Language Matters, Your Words Matter.
A segment on a daytime radio program prompted me to write today. The program highlighted the deeply concerning practice of transporting children's belongings in refuse sacks during home transitions. Listening to the piece I was saddened to hear the demeaning use of language used around care experienced children. It reminded me of the importance of the way we use language, especially when discussing and talking to the children in our care.
Listening to the piece on the radio brought about a lot of irritation in the way care-experienced people are discriminated against. It is heartening and brings hope to witness initiatives like Madlug.com.
There are over 107,000 children in care across the UK. One child moves every 15 minutes, most with their belongings in black plastic bin bags, reinforcing their sense of worthlessness. When you choose a Madlug bag you give dignity to a child in care. For every bag purchased, a pack-away travel bag goes to a child in care.
Buy One, Wear One, Help One.
The terminology employed within the care system warrants critical examination. The use of terms such as 'placement' diminishes the lived experience of these vulnerable young people.
Children are not 'placements'; they are individuals requiring safe and nurturing homes.
Consider the stark contrast between 'Sally has been moved to another placement' and 'Sally has been moved to another family.' The latter more accurately reflects the reality of a child's experience. To acknowledge that care-experienced children often endure multiple moves is to confront the profound reality of repeated familial loss. Using the term ‘placement’ instead of ‘family’ is not only inaccurate but also fails to recognise the emotional weight of these transitions, and is therefore disrespectful.
Similarly, the phrase 'their own children/family' implies a hierarchy of familial relationships, suggesting that children who join a family through birth are inherently more valued. As an adoptive parent and former foster carer, I assert that all children within a family, regardless of their path to that family, are unequivocally 'my children.' They deserve unconditional love, unwavering support, and therapeutic care.
It is crucial to recognise the impact of language on the well-being and sense of belonging of care-experienced children. We must strive to use language that reflects their inherent dignity and acknowledges the complexities of their experiences.
Moving on to the language we use at home, I have provided some examples of how careful language choices can positively impact our interactions with our children:
Instead of using;
“what a mess!”
try
“It looks like you had fun! How can we clean up?”
“Why are you doing that?”
try
“I wonder if that noise we heard reminded you of something scary?”
“Stop crying”
try
“I’m here with you, it’s ok to cry”
“Do I need to separate you?”
try
“I wonder if taking a break would be a good idea” or “I wonder if it is hard to keep kind/safe hands/feet right now?”
“Stop that right now, go to your room!”
try
“It must have felt awful to lose control like that, I’m here to help, stay here with me until the wobbly feelings have gone”
If any of these language choices have resonated with you or you are familiar with some of the issues I have discussed and you would like help and support please get in touch.
